Dr. Seuss Explains Hipsters
The other day my mother asked me what a hipster was. And I really didn’t have a good answer for her. I’ve never fully understood what exactly a hipster is myself. And I assert that no one really does. The word has become devoid of any true meaning.
The Urban Dictionary has 347 entries trying to define the word. Nearly every single one is negative. As far as I can tell the most standard definition of hipster is someone who exhibits all the properties in a person you don’t care for.
So I turned to the one man who explained most everything to me as a child, from environmental conservation, to the dangers of cold war-era arms race, to the benefits of proper hygiene. A man who was brilliant enough to award himself a Ph.D. without wasting his time studying in school to earned one: Dr. Seuss.
So without further ado, I present unto you,
Oh me oh my!
Say, hey there hip guy!
Can you explain to me
Just what it is that you be?
You like to create new labels
As fast as you are able
Just what is it that you be?
Aside from living irony
Are you a geek, or are you Emo?
“No, I’m just a VoVeek, one who’s post-PoMo”
Oh which way do you go so?
You buy nice beer but prefer Pabst
“I quite enjoy the quality lapse”
If you ask one for some gum
They will tell you “I have none, chum!”
In the coffeeshop with a Mac
Typing out Facebook cyber attacks
“Your work is shit
You’re no Bukowski
go sew three faux-Clojees
and read real poetry!”
In the thrift store
And more and more!
Just how much can she afford?
With her daddy’s cash; does she do chores?
And indy rock
Pumping through a vintage Vox!
Too much noise on the block!
All the pounding sounding deranged!
Terrible synths and too much flange!
…okay so maybe Dr. Seuss has been dead a little too long to understand either. Who knows. I guess there is only one other word malleable enough to match ‘hispter’ in terms of nigh-meaningless insultitude: Fuck.
Fuck Hipsters...I guess.