Dr. Seuss Explains Hipsters
The other day my mother asked me
what a hipster was. And I really didn’t
have a good answer for her. I’ve never fully
understood what exactly a hipster is myself. And I assert that no one really does. The word has become devoid of any true
meaning.
The Urban Dictionary has 347 entries
trying to define the word. Nearly every
single one is negative. As far as I can
tell the most standard definition of hipster is someone who exhibits all the
properties in a person you don’t care for.
So
I turned to the one man who explained most everything to me as a child, from environmental conservation,
to the dangers of
cold war-era arms race, to the benefits of proper
hygiene. A man who was brilliant
enough to award himself a Ph.D.
without wasting his time studying in school to earned one: Dr. Seuss.
So
without further ado, I present unto you,
Oh me oh my!
Say, hey
there hip guy!
Can you
explain to me
Just what it
is that you be?
You like to
create new labels
As fast as
you are able
Just what is
it that you be?
Aside from
living irony
Are you a
geek, or are you Emo?
“No, I’m just
a VoVeek, one who’s post-PoMo”
Oh which way
do you go so?
You buy nice
beer but prefer Pabst
“I quite
enjoy the quality lapse”
If you ask
one for some gum
They will
tell you “I have none, chum!”
In the
coffeeshop with a Mac
Typing out Facebook
cyber attacks
“Your work is
shit
You’re no Bukowski
go sew three
faux-Clojees
and read real
poetry!”
In the thrift
store
Buying more
And more and
more!
Just how much
can she afford?
With her
daddy’s cash; does she do chores?
Striped socks
And indy rock
Pumping
through a vintage Vox!
Too much
noise on the block!
All the
pounding sounding deranged!
Terrible
synths and too much flange!
…okay so
maybe Dr. Seuss has been dead a little too long to understand either. Who knows.
I guess there is only one other word malleable enough to match ‘hispter’
in terms of nigh-meaningless insultitude: Fuck.
Fuck
Hipsters...I guess.
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