Pokégirl Trading Cards

Straight from the dark halls of Indiana's Rustic Frog Gentleman's Club, as advertised in Louisville's LEO Weekly tabloid, now bring the action into your own home!  The first wave of Pokégirl Stríppermon cards are here just in time for the holidays! 

First off the deck is Care Bear!  A normal type Pokégirl, her card says she loves to eat walnuts, chestnuts, cheese, and milk.  Just like an actual bear!  Her special power is Trickery, so watch out if you bring any pic-a-nic baskets to this game.  Or to the club.

When not dancing at the Rustic Frog, Kiki loves watching MMA fights.  That's how she got her name, from her fearsome kicks.  Unfortunately, that's about all the offense she can mount as she never gets off of the floor.  Not because of her background in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, rather because she is usually blackout drunk.

Next up we have Luscious! Watch out for this beauty, as she possesses one of the deadliest combos in all known forms of combat.  First she TACKLES you to the ground (causing 10 HP damage) then she fires her dreaded POISON GAS.  Usually into the mouth.

It's SUPER EFFECTIVE!

Dreamer is a master of mind attacks.  She knows exactly the right things to say to get inside of your head.  To defend against these cerebral assaults, just bring up her father.

Also belonging to the Physic type of Pokégirl, it's hard to tell if Drowzee is heavily meditating, or just dead. Her confuse ray is effective against enemies of all types and herself.

Essence gained her name from her unusual odor. She is a level 7 weed type Pokégirl, meaning she only works sporadically and survives mostly by leeching of others.

Coming up next to the stage we've got Candi!  Like her card says, she clearly loves circular objects.  Wanders the streets looking for change, often forgetting about the wads of bills hidden in the crack of her ass.

Jynx is the newest addition to the Rustic Frog line-up, and is unlike any girl the club has ever seen!  Her Doubleslap attack can....ah fuck it, the racism is killing me here...let's just wrap this up with:

Santanna used to perform under the moniker of Ariel until she used her ACID attack a few too many times.  Ever since she has believed that she is actually Hispanic guitar hero Carlos Santana.  Her special Poképower is COWARDICE, as she perceives her left arm as a devil serpent and continuously hears the drum intro from "Smooth" on loop in her head.  She spends most of her time grating her teeth and nervously scratching the area where her eyebrows once were.